OOPS!

OOPS!

Originally uploaded by lambertvegas

This has not been a great week. Among other unmentionable things, I crashed my car through a brick wall this week… that was not cool.

Two Fat Girls on Mopeds and Instant Karma

Let me start by saying that I in no way make a habit of laughing at other peoples disasters.  I have plenty of my own, so no need to provoke karma.  The other day I was driving down the street back toward my house when two fat girls on mopeds pulled along side me two lanes over.  The girls were large enough for me to notice that they were fat, not chubby girls or “big-boned” tomboy types.  These were heifers. Each of them was attempting to balance a grocery bag on each handlebar; yes two grocery bags per moped, plus a heifer each.
As they drove along I wished that I had my camera with me as I usually do.  I was unfortunate to leave the house without it this time, however.  I could see from the way one of the girls was driving that tragedy was about to occur.  She was wobbling about and driving unevenly.  I almost never go anywhere without my camera, because you never know what you are going to see.
The girl continued to steer eratically until disaster struck.  I was stopped at the light and I looked over and watched in horror as zaftig lovely number two simultaneously fell off her moped and ran over herself all at the same time!  Her groceries, mostly Weight Watchers frozen dinners and cat food, went everywhere.  The bike was on its side but still running over her!  Wow, this was amazing.  I jumped out of my car and ran over to them… I have a car because I am smart enough to know that I am not coordinated enough to ride a moped since I crashed my friend Shelly’s when I was 15.
We picked the thing off of her and she lolled and moaned around on the asphalt.  Very undignified, the whole thing.  I thing that she learned a very important lesson though.  If your ass is more than three times wider than the seat of a vehicle or motorized conveyance, then you should not attempt to opperate it.
All this reminds me of an incident in church one time that almost claimed the life of my best friend Stephen.  Most of my friends know Stephen as the cute, slight built bud of mine who is the only person who wants to travel with me.  Well we were sitting in church one Sunday back when our church was held at the Huntridge Theater and a three hundred pound black lesbian who was confined to a Lark motorized chair.  Her brakes went out on the chair and she came screaming down the aisle and crashed unceremoniously into the chair right beside Stephen.  He would have been flattened, and we would have never dug him from the wreckage.
And SPEAKING of embarassing moments; last week I went to Starbucks and got myself a vente soy latte and headed to my favorite store, Target.  I was foraging for some new workout clothes and such.  I had my cart nearly full when I picked up my latte and the lid came off and completely soiled every other thing in the basket.  I did not know what to do, so I just walked away ladies and gentlemen.  Of couse I would have eventually stained them once I had bought them, but there is no need to rush it.
I ran outside to my car and hopped in quickly.  As I jumped in, the ass of my shorts ripped right out!  Not in a seam even, and they were not at all tight.  I had to go right home and change beofre I could go on to the other Target on the several miles away.  It was very strange.  Instant karma.

nightshots

Making Magic at the Salon

I love my job most of the time. I make a great living doing something I’m good at and when everything falls together right, it’s very rewarding. Here are some pics I have taken at work

Scott

My guy likes to take his camera absolutely everywhere. This as well as his Flickr.com addiction has now rubbed off on me. I even take my camera to work now, because you never know. Yesterday Scott and I went to the movies and saw “Death at a Funeral” (not very good), and I looked over and he was taking a picture of his trail mix… I had to take a picture.  Look for his picture of his Mojo Mix on his flickr sometime soon!

Blades

So here are the tools of the trade. Some people can manage with just one pair of shears, but have need an array of blades to make the magic. The tripple shear is my favorite. Three pair of german surgical steel shears bolted together to texturize the living hell out of thick hair, or to channel cut for greater movement or swing.

Here they are Glamour Shots style… notice the gleam on that steel:

And this is where the magic happens:

Eggplant Gratin

 

On the menu today was roast chicken and eggplant gratin. I felt like making something low-carb and delicious. Eggplant gratin seemed like a great idea, and it WAS! Quite tasty. I also made a cool low-carb desert with ricotta cheese and vanilla and splenda, but its not pretty enough for a picture.

Sometimes a guy just feels like making cupcakes

So this is the second Sunday in a row where I have been without my favorite weekend diversion, so I decided to cook, and to bake. Coconut vanilla cupcakes with cream cheese icing and sugared pansies. I think this says it all. I was feeling lonely so I doubled the icing recipe to make them extra fluffy! Two cups powdered sugar, eight ounces of room temp powdered sugar, six tablespoons of room temp butter, one tablespoon Singing Dog Vanilla. Beat for aprox three minutes til fluffy.  I also roasted two chickens and made curried chicken salad with celery, raisins and cashews.  That was really delicious and I can thank Ina Garten, the Barefoot Contessa for the recipe.  It wasn’t particularly pretty, so I didnt take a pic.

Rue de Rivoli

Here is my hood in Paris.  This is from the balcony of my favorite little non-fancy hotel called Hotel Paris de Rivoli.  Its cheap its clean, the bathrooms are big and nice, but its right in the perfect location.  Within walking distance of the Louvre, Notre Dame and Place des Vosges.  Up the street and accross from the Tuilleries you can pay 700 bucks a night at The Meurice, but not for moi!

Visiting London

London is another favorite city. This is the view from my favorite hotel in London called The Riverbank Park Plaza. The view is awesome, overlooking Big Ben, parliament, Lambeth Bridge and Westminster Abbey. Not to mention the Tate Britain. As luck would have it, my friend Denisa is the front desk manager at the hotel… I get a sweet little discount there(haha)